wash your hands please....

Well today has been a long day of blood, sweat and tears.... literally.

But i'll get to that in a min!

Yesterday i bit the bullet and went to the doctors.

OHMYGAAAAD!

so glad i did tho. ive been procrastinating for months now about recovering and getting healthy, but somehow time keeps on passing and nothing changes.... its not good enough for me anymore, evidently i cant do this by myself, so if its help i need, its help im gonna seek. Anyway, you'd go to the doctor if you injured yourself, and technically if i keep on like this im hurting my body every day that passes. enough is enough.

Anyway, after hmm'ing for a couple of days, i was weirdly totally calm on the day i planned to call. Even when i got to the surgery and sat in the waiting room, i just felt right. like i finally stopped being scared of what they might think of me... i think thats a positive step?!?

Nothing really happened in the appt, just took my stats and talked abit, then sent me off for bloodwork and said when the results came back and ruled out any suspicious nasties, id get referred to a specialist. Great, how long will that take?! damn NHS. oh well, ive done my bit now, i just have to sit and wait it out.... its weird, ive been delaying this moment so long, now its come i cant get it fast enough!!! 

Still, so today i had a free period in the morning, and since school is right next door to the hospital, i went over and sat in the nassssssty waiting room, full of sick old pensioners and alot of people with eye patches?!??! (Later found out there is an eye surgery in the same department, ahh i seeeee. hehehe.

After taking my sticky ticket (gross, i had to wash my hands afterwards, god knows what it was) i took a seat and waited, and waited and waited.... eventually the line of people went down and i was in! Luckily, im so used to having blood tests now after my whole M.E sicky sick time, so it was no probs. and for a change, my blood decided to be nice and flow, insetad of clogging up in the vein like usual, YAY for not having to be poked around at 50 times with a needle, always good, i dont think it wud've been good to head back to class with track marks on my arms! :-p

So off my blood will go, and soon i will be starting my road to recovery. Weirdly tho, im finding it harder to eat more at the mo. Even tho after speaking with the doc, i shud already be aiming to get upto maintenance (2000) but im just not very hungry... feels like im restricting, but im just not feeling like eating which is making things difficult cos i know i need to, especially now that we are pretty much set to go skiing over easter weekend. i cant be whizzing around on skis if my legs are thinner than my poles! ill need my energy, and altho i keep thinking, well when im there i can stuff my face with fondues and steak frites, but that doesnt help me NOW.... i wont be able to last a long days skiing if i dont have the energy and i cant get that if i havent gained :-(  plus its so high up there, the air pressure tires you out anyway! 

MOTIVATION!!!!!!!

i need to keep reminding myself of all the positives that gaining weight can give me...

Energy...  Strength... A healthy body... 

(not to mention the ability to wear nice clothes without them hanging off me!!!)

all these things will allow me to do the things i want to do, and as a very wise and lovely blogger friend of mine said:  

"It's a choice between staying like this at a weight where it controls our lives, or putting it on again and being happier."

Nuff said!!!!