one more sleep....

And im starting to get just a LIIIIIITLE bit nervous!

Im more-or-less packed now (in full lastminute panic-style, as always :p) And i will finish the last little bits before i leave tomo - Which thank GOD, is around lunchtime, so i will have the morning for any last-last minute panics!!

But i dunno. i feel sort of.... 

weird....

like kindof empty? or perhaps its just not quite believing its all real??? I cant put my finger on it :s

I know its quite common to feel complacent in anorexia/recovery... i focus so much on food and exercise and recovery and whether im doing it right etc... that alot of the other stuff just gets swept along in the breeze! But i thought id feel abit more of.... SOMETHING.

Urhh, its hard to figure out my feelings on this. im excited, but still on an even level - not jumping about or anything... im nervous - but again... nothing major, i mean im not tearing my hair out or anything. i only just packed for gods sake!! i just feel like maybe im abit TOO chilled about it all. Cos after all, i am about to leave the country, my home, my family and friends... everything! for a whole year or more. Its pretty intense!!! but yet, im still just pootling on, doing some packing, sorting all the bits and bobs for mum... i occasionally feel like im on the edge of feeling nervous and anxious... but then it goes. weird no????

Anyways... i just thought id try and puzzle it out on the blogosphere - maybe get some clarity! Either way - tomo i get on a plane and leave this funny little island ive called home for  so long and fly off to a MUCH bigger (eeks) and MUCH warmer (yipeeee) place. To explore, discover and have fun....

Whats scary about that?!? 

xx