whoa...

...its been a WEEK?!?!

....Umm, Really?!

Well apologies guys... again my life has taken a turn for the crazy and ive been so busy that i cant even think where this week has gone! Okay, let me check back through my diary....

Hmm. Lets see.... well, I had a fun trip to my doctors to stock up on prescriptions and pills to take travelling with me and get advice on how to go about getting my bloods and other medical shizz out there... all very exciting! I had another hypnotherapy appt, which went well! OH, but then i had a blip midweek and felt very guilty cos me and my friend N hung out again... no cake this time tho! We were gonna go to the sea-side and eat fish on the beach, but we missed the bus so instead we walked to that little riverside village i sometimes walk the pooch to... Its a long walk but its nice to chill in the pub when you get there. Well my ED was happy cos it was a longer walk than i would have done at the beach, and i have to admit - i let that get the better of me and the negative thoughts took control... even tho i had walked and therefore should have eaten a big lunch - i chickened out. My friend got a plate of egg and ham and chips and i just sat there... feeling like the biggest loser with my diet coke and empty stomach. urhhh :( 

Luckily, it made me see my eating disorder for what it is... A nasty, evil, manipulative FUN-SUCKER and i snapped out of it sharpish. but it reminded me that i have to be very careful not to let it get a hold on me. Slip-ups are inevitable - but i have to pull myself up as SOON as i realise whats happening, i need to keep things on track! Anyhoo, it didnt spoil our day and we got home and watched dvds and relaxed on the sofa (which isnt something im used to!) So that was good.

spot the sleepy dog!

Umm, okay lets skip to thurs - when i went upto london to see my dad. My mum drove me up and we had a nice little stopover in westfield first... i freaking LOVE that place! And since kids are back at school, we had practically the whole place to ourselves! I made sure i had lunch too (at my fave lunchspot - pret a manger) and i decided to branch out from my usual salad too, got a chicken wrap instead, which was damn tasty...! not that im surprised. Pret is sandwich heaven :) But yeah, i was pleased that i was spontaneous and didnt just chose the "safe" option.

my mum had fish&chips... SHE WINS AGAIN! :p

Staying at my dads was nice, abit weird tho cos its his partners house and i know that my mum didnt really want me to stay there... But i wanna see my dad and its not like i have the choice of staying at my mum&sisters place anymore!! Plus it was good to spend time with him when i wasnt rushed. yknow... So when i got there on thurs evening, we went out to dinner at this chinese place before going to the cinema to see "about time"... 

This film is awesome. Seriously - i was in floods!!! 

On friday i met up with my friend Heather, did some shopping and then in the evening me, dad and his partner went out to this fish place for dinner. It was YUM!! we had fresh oysters to start, then i had a whole cooked fish with roasted veg and salad. i was stuffed! but somehow i still managed to squeeze in some pudding when we got back to theirs :) They had stocked up on loads of goodies for me, so it wouldve been rude not to eat them! hahaha...

my dads pet tortoise... SO jealous!

On saturday my dad offered to drive me home (a good two hour drive away!) which was super nice - altho i will confess my ED was like "whoaaa that means you wont walk at all! you were going to have to walk to the train station and then home etc... thats lazy lazy lazy". But i refused to listen... it was damn nice to not have to walk about in the london drizzle, waiting for buses and trains! But by the time we got back to mine, i was feeling abit stressed... my dad had badgered me for info about my mum and sis on the drive and it makes me feel upset cos there is just so much unresolved shit still going on with our family... so i was on edge anyways and then dad asked if he could come in and use the toilet - which freaked me out cos i know mum didnt want him to come to our house, let alone go inside :s 

He was looking about and i felt so uncomfortable - especially when he made a comment about how he was "misinformed" about the house and things cant be THAT difficult if we have our own place etc. (he left my mum with nothing after the divorce and we struggled.... big time. something which WAS his doing) But yeah, it wasnt pleasant and i had to hurry him out abit.

When he left i felt anxious and edgy and i did what i probs shouldnt have... i went for a walk.

I was tired but i felt like i just had to get out and clear my head of all this negative horrible shit. I hated that i was driven by the fact that i hadnt walked all day... but i needed the release :( It helped, but in a way i felt worse cos when i got home i was aware that my chest hurt and i shouldnt have pushed my body like that. I felt guilty for not staying strong in the face of it.... I was just too much to cope with :( So i lay on my bed and cried... I just felt so overwhelmed, probs cos im stressed about leaving in a week and being at my dads and all this stuff going round in my head... GAH! i just didnt know what else to do!

Luckily a good cry always helps and after that i picked myself up, made dinner and had an early night. JOB DONE :p

I feel better today and i have made sure to rest up... but that anxiety niggle is still there. I have alot to do this week and not alot of time left. It was making me feel stressed and pressured (which i know is bad for me!) so i spoke to my friend and she said to write a to-do list with only two or three things to do on it, all of which are achievable and then let that be it for the day! i did just that and i feel soooo much calmer. I managed to tick off those three things AND do other stuff too!!! 

Thank god for good friends with good advice eh?!

My three things were:

1. Create a fb event for my leaving do
2. Set up an application for my australian bank account
3. Do a household-chore (i did laundry and baked banana muffins)

I also painted my nails, went to town to buy the sunday papers and cleared out some paperwork on my desk.

All in all, not a bad "bringing-back" the good day :)