cold vs the cold

Afternoon funsters...

Have you got that friday feeling? I wish i did, but sadly its just another school night for me cos tomo we have our first open day of the year. so gubbins here has to go BACK into work (albeit an hour later than normal, but still!) I have to set up and show off my Art dept to potential "customers"... haha. But it kindof IS like that. we are selling a product! you have the buyers, who come in, have a look, check out the "merchandise" and decide if they want to buy! Its hard work, but hopefully it should be a good turnout and if last nights parents eve attendance was anything to go by, we'll be swamped! 

Yeah, lastnight wasnt too bad actually. Altho i struggled during the day cos i was feeling ill anyway and therefore also not very hungry which didnt help with the fact that having my evening routine disrupted meant that i was all flustered about eating. I didnt know what to eat or how much cos i was all out of whack. No excuse i know, but anorexia tricks your head to feel confused and scared of change. I mean having to go back into work at 6:30pm doesnt exactly work well into my dinnertime. I didnt wanna eat before, cos it was too early since i had to leave just after 6 to pick up my friend... but then i knew i wouldnt get out till at least 8pm (thats if i snuck out early.... which i did! shhh :-p) so it threw me and i have to admit i struggled with the days food, just cos i felt out of control. I still had my usual breakfast but i missed my am snack and i didnt make it up when i had my lunch, which i SHUD have tried to do.... Anyways, it showed me up cos i was hungry and miserable at 5pm, but wouldnt let myself eat something proper until i got home afterwards, cos i hate having to rush my evening meal and i knew id be stressing since i had to go out again... i dont like to eat at strange times if im already feeling out of my depth. Silly, but hey ho. Recovery isnt perfect.

I did however opt to DRIVE rather than walk. which is a good step... especially since usually i love a chance to get some more walk-time in, but i just sortof went "meh", cos its getting dark and cold and frankly - its not worth it. The anorexia can go fuck itself! i aint walking when i dont want to anymore and im DEFS not going to do it just to feel like ive achieved more for the anorexia... if i dont do it normally, im not about to add in anymore to please my disorder. i want to piss my disorder OFF, not be nice to it!!!

this made me laugh.... 

So the evening actually went pretty fast and i had queues of parents wanting to meet me, which was nice! They all had nice things to say, like how their kids really loved my lessons and stuff, which was a confidence booster... and i got the usual "wow, you look so young..." but this time, since there are quite a few young'uns teaching now, it was broadened out to "are they putting something in the water to keep you all so youthful?!" which was nice as it wasnt just directed at me. It turned what usually would have made me feel small and unprofessional, into a jokey, matey, 'yay theres a team of young teachers' feel instead. MUCH better :-)

Today i was tired tho. Its been alot this week and it didnt stop there.... cos today i was out on a trip with my year 10's (to the same place as last week) It was a good trip tho and cos id already been i could just mosey along and enjoy being out of school and not rushing around being "me". haha. The kids are lovely in that group too, so it was nice and relaxed. Altho my GOD it was cold!!! Windy too, so there was an added chill-factor. My runny nose and sore throat did not love that... But i cant complain cos i actually had a really nice day. Plus it was good for me and HeadofArt to have another catch up too... We are much more involved in the "together-ness" of the dept, there may only be two of us, but last year we hardly saw each other since i teach english aswell and he helps out alot with P.E and Games. So anyways, we got to have a banter aswell as planning some ideas to get our evil year 9 yeargroup more focused. win-win!

Its cool, cos the more we hang out the more we get on. He has a very similar situation with health issues and therefore gets where im coming from in terms of food issues and stuff. But he is alot more grounded than i am... we talked alot about food and gentle exercise and the importance staying healthy by making sure we get enough rest etc. Its a very physically exhausting job being a teacher, especially when you have ongoing health issues to contend with. So it as nice to chat and i felt alot better about trying to cut down any extra unnecessary activity etc. and to let my body rest and heal if it needs it.... yeah. i feel renewed positivity... i needed a little pep-talk to stop me getting stagnant and staying stuck where i am :-)

So despite feeling knackered, i also feel very enthused tonight... long may it last, cos tomo its another full-on day and then FINALLY ill get to slump in front of the tv tomo night before curling up in my nice warm bed and most likely sleeping straight through sunday!!! I need to restore my energy for next week, another busy one (why is this term so freaking BUSY!!!) winter term is always the worst term... its hella long and theres loads of stuff happening, parents eve's, trips, cover and there are ALWAYS people getting sick, so the cold and flu bugs fly around like crazy. you have to be pretty damn special if you manage to avoid catching something... but inevitably, everyone ends up in bed feeling like poo at some stage of the term. Its just a matter of when!  

Anyways im home now... its raining outside but i dont mind cos we escaped without a drop all day! WoopWoop... i was worried this morning, it really bucketed it down last night and i knew that this trip would be a disaster in the rain (its all outside) so thank GOD for that!

Hope you're all having an eventful week too... i love being busy, but i hate being the only one who's busy! it makes me feel like im missing out on stuff, like everyone else is doing something really fun instead!!

This could potentially be happening somewhere right now!! 

Man i would be soooooo gutted to miss out on that party!!! (love me some skittles)

:-p