and breeeeathe.

What a relaxing day ive had... after my hectic week, ive needed it!

Back to saturdays supposed day-off, which turned into more of a mission than intended! I did have a lazy morning, but we overplanned the afternoon and didnt have enough time, we went to get E's haircut, but she forgot her wallet so we had to drive all the way home after and then we didnt have time to do everything, so we grabbed a burger king drive-thru (still getting used to the fact that everywhere has drive-thru's) and then went to have our nails done... it was SO nice! we got to sit in these cool vibrro massage chairs while they did our toes and i left with a very fancy looking mani-pedi. my nails have never looked so good! its just a shame that me being me, i managed to chip my thumb nail the next day at work... D'oh! Then that evening we went out to their friends for dinner, which was fine... but i was knackered anyways and i wasnt feeling great after a week with no pills (seriously, my body is NOT thanking me) so it was a pretty bum evening for me. She isnt really much of a cook and even tho she'd been to ours a week or so before, she forgot about my food allergies and so i had to piece together a weird mishmash of stuff from her fridge cos everything else was red meat and cheese... niiiiice! So yeah, then i was back to work on sunday/monday and tues and this is my first day away from the restaurant.... crazy! i think that now the people im staying with are leaving (their flight is tomo) i will be able to wind down my days. I was all pumped to work ALL the time, but i started to feel very tired and weak and the fact that i was without my meds meant that my body was already in a slow rate of deterioration, so pushing it even further wouldnt be the wisest of ideas now would it....!?

bahahaha

Sooo i have today AND tomo off and then i only work friday and sunday and then i guess i can figureout what i want to do next week, work or no work.... its my last week, so i dont wanna be slaving away, but i DO wanna hang out with my new restaurant buds and make sure i have enough ollars to hit the shops in an appropriate (ok MAJAAAH) way before i head home :-p

Today was good tho. i slept later than usual cos i felt like my body needed some extra zzzz's! it was nice weather when i got up so i went for  little stroll. but i am aware that it is starting to become routine... i mean its hard cos i WANT to do it. but then i start to question WHY i want to do it. its not much, just walking around the neighbourhood block and i like it cos its warm and i can listen to my podcasts and chill abit on my own, but then part of me is worrying that i shud be trying to do NOTHING so that i dont feel urged to do more when i get home. if im doing 30mins MAX here, whether thats going for a walk or doing some yoga in my room... thats better than before. but it still doesnt give me wiggleroom for having days off etc. 

what do you think?

does it sound obsessive?

i dont want to increase at all when i get home, i know i walk to work but i figure maybe i can get a lift one way and make sure i ONLY do a short walk with the dog or something when i get home... i need to see that nothing happens if i do nothing. cos even tho i DID have that first 2weeks of nothing, when i came to stay with my friends and i had my own space, i started to do a little bit of stretching and stuff... nothing LIKE what i do before and i dont feel compelled to do it all the time, but im almost OVER-worrying about it!!! is it necessary to do absolutely NOTHING in recovery??? cos i dont think my sanity would allow that! maybe if i jut mak sure i have at least one day of doing nothing, then i wont feel the need to worry if im being driven by the ED or just a genuine enjoyment of moving my body....

sometimes you just need time by yourself!

Anyhooooo, i sat around by the pool most of the rest of the day, so no worries about over-excercising there! read some of my book, chatted with their son and general mooching. this evening i imagine will be a frenzy of them packing and going through the rules and to-do's of the house so that i have everything covered while theyre away... im not worried. i basically live solo at home anyways. i can cope!!!

Then tomo lunchtime we drive to the airport! i have to be super-aware of the direction cos ill be driving that route by myself when i go to catch my flight 10days later. i have no phone and no sat-nav so if i get lost.... its not gonna be pretty!!! im gonna leave plenty of time to get there, i dont wanna miss my flight!

But im not even thinking about that till next week... its still officially holiday time for me. altho that sneaky dread feeling that pretty soon i will have to return to reality. LIFE, WORK, FAMILY.... its been nice escaping for the month, but i know i have stuff to face back home. i really want to be able to implement the changes ive made in myself over the past few weeks, its gonna be hard... especially going back to a place riddled with all my ED behaviours. but i know what they are and i know they will be waiting to trip me up. so i need to be on my guard... anything that seems like it has ED's stamp on it and im gonna do the opposite! stick to my guns and fight hard....

cos thats what recoverys about people.... FIGHTING!!!!

so here's a big shout out to all my fellow fighters out there...

three cheers for staying strong in the face of our struggles

Loves and Laters guys

:-)