home sweet home!

Hey boo's... im HOME!!!

Kindof sad i cant pull silly faces all day anymore... oh wait, I STILL CAN!!!!

(please GOD dont let the wind change)

Ahh and boy i am exhausted to boot... who'd have known that a week looking after 4 little'uns would leave you so tired! (well, i guess anyone with kids could have predicted that!) but ne'er mind that, cos i had an awesome time :-)

No competition as to who's the cutest here...!

it'd be a start if i cud open my eyes for the pic.

I have had a hectic week to say the least... i have most definitely faced some challenges. On the whole i feel like i have done pretty well at coping without resorting to my usual habits (walking, exercise etc...) It was damn hard not to be able to do my own thing, but it was an eye-opener to realise how much i think of myself and my (or should that be the ED's) priorities. Its quite selfish really, to expect that ill be able to eat what i want, WHEN i want and woe betide anyone who gets in the way of that strict routine! Well let me tell ya, kids dont listen to that nonsense...!! they require attention and care and they require you to put them first. which i did. and i was actually very relieved to put the ED side of me on the backburner! its alot easier to do when you have the distraction of a bunch of energetic kids to entertain/worry about :-p

smooshface is hot right?

So this week i have eased up on my exercise rigidity... thats not to say that i havent been active, cos you cant NOT be with kids. But i havent forced myself to do stuff. ive let myself join in with activities, abit of trampolining (how can you ignore pleas to: "bounce ME, bounce ME!!") hehe, and little strolls with them on bicycles...

my boo rocks them stabilisers :-p

which was, ill admit - QUITE the challenge. when i walk, i walk for ME... my pace is faster than the stop start stop start ramblings of a toddler on stabilisers! and this frustrated my ED and the negative feelings kicked in bigtime, saying i wasnt "burning" anything, that my walk was "pointless"... but i told myself that it was nice to stroll and not to power walk... it meant i could relax, look around the beautiful countryside, talk to the kids and push them along when they needed it. it was a way more normal walk than i have been used to and that felt scary... but good :-)

this makes the art teacher in me SMILE :-)

So exercise was limited and amazingly ive managed to not fret about it now that im home! YIPEE! i need to work to keep this up tho cos i have fallen foul to the "slipping back into bad habits" before and im aware of the fact that the ED side of me will still be there waiting... Im glad that i have packed my summer full of things to occupy and distract me, cos the longer i remain in this mindset the easier it is to stay strong and keep at it.

Today i took the dog out in the morning and i just strolled along on a totally different route! im usually so rigid, but i just enjoyed the morning sunshine and went with what felt "right".... PLUS ive been eating more despite doing less, which i thought would be harder cos i struggled with food over the week away. so that is a RESULT!

Yeah, so food wise things were difficult. I didnt have my usual supply of fruit and veg and even tho my cousin was super kind and helpful at getting most of the stuff i usually have, it meant i had to rely on my own judgement... not easy for someone in recovery! But i was proud of myself for trying new things and not stressing about having fruit/veg at every meal... i took alot from what the others ate. the kids were happy and healthy and THEY had some cake/sweets etc... heck, even theyre mum did, so its not like you BALLOON if you have a slice of cake and dont immediately work it off! It made me feel alot better to see my cousin eat healthily but indulging abit too... for example having cake when some friends dropped by, having a fun BBQ and indulging in rich puddings etc... all things that scare the bejesus outta me! But she can do it and is healthy and looks good, so why cant i?!?! I didnt want to fall into the old "comparison trap" again, but i sneaked a look at her clothes size and she is a healthy size 12.... and looks DAMN GOOD FOR IT!!!! she is slim and looks good, she eats, she doesnt obsess about exercise (she drives most places in her fancy yummy mummy range rover :-p and works at her desk when she's not running errands, entertaining visitors or doing stuff with the kids!!) This made me feel a whole lot better about NOT doing abs exercises in the morning and not sneaking off to walk or do something to ease my anxieties. i face to face up to my demons instead of running away from them... Its hard to stop doing the things that i love (walking) and try to incorporate some of the things i dont love so much (eating indulgent foods) but its part of what will get me back to the healthy woman i deserve to be! I can bring those things back into my life when im better, and then i can appreciate them more.... right?!?!

Anyway, enough of the talking! here is a few silly pics from our amazing amateur dramatic perfomance.... Now there wasnt exactly a plotline so to speak, more just a mish-mash of characters prancing about being theatrical!!! but it was fab nonetheless. what can i say...

Watch out broadway!!

Phews! so there you have it... a crazy fun week which i am SO glad i did, it would have been so easy to say "im too busy" or "its my holiday, i need a break from work"... but those wouldve been excuses to cover up my fear of stepping out of my comfort zone. Well i stepped out and im in no rush to hop back in! Dont get me wrong, its good to be home! but im itching to step out into some more adventures soon....

How was your week... did you do anything exciting?

Face up to any Fears? Check out any Challenges?

Since i cant think of any more alliterations for you except "the cat sat on the mat", so i think ill bail out here! Have a good weekend peoples!!!