Day of rest!

Im undecided about Sundays...

Its like that slightly taboo day of the week, where you feel like you should rest and relax cos its well, a day of rest... (durr!) But it also seems like thats the day when everyone does fun, weekend-y, exciting, people things. The perfect weekend, that im not a part of cos for some reason i dont think im "good enough" for those things... *stupid confidence-battering ED head*

So i imagine people having lazy mornings with the papers, breakfasts in bed with lovers, walks in the sunshine and sitting in cafes having coffee... It is this glamourization of real-life that makes me suffer from incredible PEOPLE ENVY (along with a side of "why isnt my life like this?")

potential crumbies

I think i can safely say i, like alot of others, suffer from the nasty side of comparisons. Sometimes i am so confused about what i should be doing that i look to other people to see what they're doing. but thats not living, is it!? I need to make my OWN decisions... Sure i can take inspiration from people, thats great... and often very helpful as i come to terms with the fact that YES normal people eat when they are hungry and dont exercise like a crazy person to compensate for that eating. Normal people are happy to chill out and spend time indulging in the things they enjoy without guilt. Yes... looking at normalcy has been a good thing. BUT, not when it slips into the movie-esque dream normalcy that is quite frankly, unrealistic and more often than not UNATTAINABLE!!!

Im sure people DO have breakfasts in bed, but would i fancy getting crumbs in the sheets?! Not so much. Oh, and that awkward bed etiquette... Just try half sitting-half lying while trying to eat?!? Noooo! Anyways, Its not like i cant go get the morning papers and read through them, i just probs wouldnt spend all morning doing it. i struggle with the relaxing lazy me-time thing anyways and mornings are not to be wasted... its the most productive time of day! but the point is, i COULD do it if i wanted to! (in fact i just spent the past hour and a half sat outside with the mumatron doing just that!) It was nice, but even then i had the troublesome, sunny one minute, cloudy the next situation going on!

What im saying is that, while all those glamourous, "picture perfect" ideals of what our lives should be like are all very well... they arent the be all and end all. I can be happy just doing my little old thing, no glitz, no glamour. Just life.

Im starting to be ok with that.

Cos who else can be like me except me?!?! whats that?! NOBODY? damn straight! IM UNIQUE

(and comparing sucks big bananas anyway)

So when lastnight i was pondering whether or not to go out, even tho id made plans. my ED was shouting loudly that i should stay home and mooch on the sofa, i felt like i slid right back to all those times in the past when i bailed out of meeting up wtith people cos my silly head would say "why go out and mingle with people who might judge and mock you...." Why put myself in the situation that i will have people look at how thin i am, and how im not the fun, pretty girl i used to be. well, frankly mister ED.... BLAH to you!

Yup, Its all a load of BLAH.

I am still fun and although, i know i dont look my bestest... thats not why my friends like me! So i gave myself a stern talking to, got dressed and off i went to hit the town (well, the pub... for a quiet couple... but y'know. its all relative!!)

And i had fun. As i knew deep down that i would. It was chilled, but everytime i go outside my comfort zone, i realise something about myself. I do like spending time with people, i always have... i just shut myself out so much that i convinced myself that i wasnt worthy of being entertaining and fun. But i like bouncing about conversations and making people laugh. So im gonna keep pushing myself to do things that may initially feel scary. Cos generally, they are worth the leap of faith :-)

And when i came home, there was a rainbow...

It made me smile.

yeah, Thats Life :-)