the boy/girl thing

Ooooh lovely readers, im in a pickle today!

and (if you haven't guessed from the title....) its about BOYS. yes, those pesky "cant live with em cant live without em, DAMN why do we love them...."

boysboysboysboysboyboysboyboyzzzz

Now before we get crackin, ill say that i am very grateful to have alot of male friends in my life, some of the best in fact. Ive always got on with guys and probably have more guy than girl friends (not to slate my girlies, i love you too!!!) But despite this influx of maleness in my vida, my love life has always been somewhat troublesome... I have had boyfriends, im pleased to say, some goodies too! but ill admit something here, and it may seem a little shallow. here goes.

I like the chase...

there, i said it!

If i meet a guy i get on with and think there is chemisty going on... i'll pursue him. (not in a balls to the wall, COME AND GET ME kindof way, dont worry!) but i do enjoy flirting and all the nervous excitemebt that comes with it. Surely theres no crime in that?!

Well, maybe not. But as fun as the chasing is, often when ive caught said boything... i tend to get bored (and BAM theres the "shallow" bit) i lose interest and my attention is distracted. So needless to say, i have never been what i would consider "good girlfriend material".

and ive always been ok with that!

But then i do see those happy couples and sometimes think, id like abit of that... why cant that be me? i DO want to find someone, but i guess im scared of committing too fully, in case i cant commit fully. do you get me? Hmm, its not very "makey the sensey" is it?

Well anyhoos. thats the back-story. Now here's the present story...

Today i bumped into my "friend-who-i-almost-had-a-thing-with-but-didnt-cos-we-were-such-good-friends-that-i-didnt-see-what-was-right-in-front-of-me-the-whole-time"... OR to keep it simple, lets call him "the one that got away"!!

Now we were always super close growing up and very flirty, bantery... but that was all! However, ive been told in good faith that he did have a little thing for me back in the day... i was totes oblivious (durrrrr) and nothing ever happened between us (altho now i look back, there were signs and i see now that he did tentatively try but i was clueless and just thought he was being my friend) double DURRRR

Soooo i realised a few years back that actually, i too had had feelings for him all along, but i didn't realise it (im gonna give up with the Durrr's now, we all know im a doofus) And sadly by this point, it was too late. He had moved away for uni and had a steady girlfriend etc... and that was that, basically. yup, it was a case of TOO LATE LADYFACE

Fast forward to now and he has split (amicably, "timeout to re-assess" kinda thing) from the girl and is back in my life abit more again. This has brought up a few of those pesky feeeeeeelings again. but i really dont know what to do. Aside from the fact that my libido is similar to that of an old lady (damn you ED... always the party pooper) and the fact that the guy I just called time on is also one of his besties, but on top of that... i dont know what he thinks of me anymore.

He used to be one of my closest friends but then he went off to uni, girls started thinking, "dang... he's abit of alright" and he could have his pick of the laydeeez. So now i think, well he obviously only liked you back when he was shooting below par, or some shizz (im guessing this is the stupid low self-esteem piping in) but then i also think, well you can hardly go out there and be all flirty and come hither-ish when you look like a small child/bag o' bones....

GAAAAH!!!! so what now?!

Anyways, ive been just playing it cool and seeing him when we're both free and he HAS been flirty, but then... we're both quite flirty characters... always were. but is that just me being oblivious to male attention again?!?! WHO bloody KNOWS!!! Im not gonna be all "ooh ooh ooh, lets hang out!!!" firstly cos it might freak him out, i mean the boy's JUST got out of a longterm relationship, might not even be fully out of it if they do get back together... i dont wanna look like some man-grabbing flibertigibbet! also i have to think about his friends' (my ex's) feelings too.... i mean, granted we were never a FULL-ON couple, we hung out abit, more casual dating if you like. but still, friends have codes of conduct and i respect that.

but ive gotta listen to my feelings right?

i mean its been like 8yrs in the making!

So i bumped into him this afternoon on my way back from the mumatrons shop. I was on my bicyletta and he was just about to get in his bro's car. FATE?!?!?! haha.

We had a quick chateroo and it was nice, but the thing that got me thinking, uh-oh... i LIKE this guy. was that the first thing i did was a) check my outfit.... (phews for actually getting dressed today!)

rocking my checked slip-ons

and b) remembered that i had no makeup on and looked at the best shall we say "tired"?!?! booo, epic fail

Now normally with a friend, i wouldnt even care! but this time i did. what do i hear?! BOOMSHANKA. methinks ive crossed into "liking-a-friend" territory.

This is dangerous ground peeps, enemy fire all around and potential explosions on the mine-field.

He said he'd call later tonight for a catch up, so we can plan a hang out for later in the week (he wants to do stuff before i head to AMURRRRCA) so i will keep you informed... well y'know, if you want me to! i dont wanna bore you with girly "i like a boy but i dont know if he lies meeee" stuff!!!

So lets call it out....

shout if you wanna hear, or boo if you dont!!!

You know i aim to please :-p