sitting saturday

Howdy peeps.

Today has been a funny old day, i finished school for half term yest and BOY is it nice to have a bit of a break (even if it is only a week... im embracing it!)

But back to front first eh, lets recap the week. It feels like only yesterday i was writing my last post and i just checked and it was MONDAY!

say whaaaaa?!

i NEED this watch

it sums up my life in time exactly!

This week has been hardcore, getting stuff sorted at school and making sure all my pupils are prepped and ready for the exam week which starts as soon as they get back from half term. Its crazy how fast this term or even this YEAR has gone by.... its only 5weeks till i break up for the summer and then i go to AMERICA! gosh, i am so excited i cannot even tell you :-p

fly me now

I was looking forwards to this break because im feeling alot more confident in myself now that i dont feel like i have to hide away anymore. Im confronting my ED behaviours and working towards kicking my bad habits and ritualistic routines. I find that once i get used to doing something, i find it incredibly hard to stop! I guess its the anxiety of change, but im not like that. I like the idea of spontaneity and i fully intend to bring that back, once ive got myself a little stronger and more able to deal with the ED fallout that comes from "breaking" a rule. Well frankly...

Rules are their to be broken!

HE knows it!

Hehe, im enjoying the feeling of empowerment i get when i DO manage to choose my way over the anorexic way. But damn that guilt is nassssty. Ive just gotta remember what this clever adventurous and fellow malteser lover said...

"guilt and anxiety can be overwhelming, but when you feel them, you know that you are pushing out of your comfort zone, and thats a GOOD thing!!"

TOO TRUE!!!

So, as i continue to battle through these demons... i will remember that i am doing this for a reason. im doing this for ME, for my FUTURE and for all of you wonderful people out there who have helped and supported me through this time. love ya's!

And as a little final update.... i gained again this week! (only a smidge, so i know i shud really get my cals up properly, but hey a gain's a gain!!!)

Now its the weekend and a week of free-time looms ahead of me. I know that usually the weekends and holidays are hardest for me. I dont work well when i lack structure and routine. BUT im determined to make this week count, i need to get ready for the big time stretch that is the summer holidays! Last year i fell hard and it was not a fun time for me. i promised myself i wouldnt be hiding under long sleeved tops again this year, i still have a little time... but i need to keep this fresh in my mind for those "eek, i cant do this" moments.

i CAN, i WILL, i WANT to.

have a fab weekend everyone :-)

xxx