a new day, a bright start

Hey yoooou's.

Thankyou for your kind words regarding my last post... I wasnt trying to get sympathy or anything!!! i was just abit down. But as it happens it all turned out for the good!

So we have been emailing back and forth (his mobile is still broken... i feel abit responsible! Who knew i evoked such "passion", mwahaha) but its quite nice to be using the old fashioned write and read method of communication. I dont think id have been able to say the things i did out loud first time.... Cos i said things. HONEST things, things i dont tell most people.... stuff about me, about my feelings, about my ED. i kindof thought, well at this point what have i got to lose?! Man, it felt sooo good to let it out

and you know what....

He didn't run a mile!

Nope, quite the opposite in fact! He was understanding, supportive, compassionate and even threw in some complimentary affection to boost my lagging self-esteem!!!

Wowzers..... i didnt see that comin!

Im so lucky. I mean this guy has put up with alot from me over the past couple of years that we've been "part-timing" (i seriously have to think up a new phrase for that!!! or maybe i wont have to.... read on!) but yeah, ive been here and there and sometimes ill want to be more of a girlfriend and sometimes ill pull back and go back into my little ED bubble... and he's stuc around. No questions, no pressure. But im glad that this time, he got upset and needed more than a brief brush-off from me... i knew that this time i needed to explain things properly. Otherwise the poor boy was just taking my crap with no real understanding as to why!!! (and he's no pushover, so im quite amazed he didnt put his foot down sooner!) Anyway, i know people have asked him why he bothered and that he shud cut his losses, that i clearly wasnt interested.... but he said NO. He thought i was worth the fight... and im glad he did.

So we hashed it out, and he told me some really touching things (i wont repeat cos they'll sound cheesy, but lets just say they were SPESHAL :-p) so i think we're gonna try and make this work properly. not some half-arsed part-time excuse for a "man-friend"... but a proper, lets do this "relationship". EEK!!!! im not gonna pretend im not a little scared. Ive always been abit of a bum girlfriend. i like the chase but when ive got my prize, i tend to lose interest... but that was the old me. Ive changed so much since this illness malarky. Im not the flighty, attention seeking girl i was before. Plus i like this guy. We have stuff in common!

and best of all...

he "gets" me.

And i really think its that simple! we "get" each other.... we have fun, we laugh and now that we can be honest with each other. I think things will be alot easier. Im not gonna hide how i feel, if im having a hard day then im not gonna make out that im fine. Whats the point?! haha, i hope he knows what he's let himself in for!!! well, he asked for it!!! if a proper relationship's what he wants, then he'll get it! the mumatron is already itching to meet him, she's trying to arrange a dinner date PRONTO... its not long till she'll be expecting marriage and babies!! (i'll be using some delay tactics on her for that one! im still the baby of the family, surely my sister shud pop the grandchildren first!)

So basically, im feeling good again. Im feeling like maybe this is a chance to make things right. I wanted to wait until i was recovered to be in a relationship, but that meant that i kept putting both off. I didnt feel confident enough in myself to be around him, but if i can be honest with him about who i am, then i can use this as a tool in recovery. Honesty and Truth will be my weapons against ED, sooo.... (said in a deep, cheesy film voiceover style tone)

Bring on the battle, cos this time...

ive got me some backup!!!

Ok, so he's not exactly the PO-PO, but a girl can dream right?!

who else digs the uniform thing :-p

We're gonna try and meet up over this easter weekend and talk properly. But ANNOYINGLY i have to be up in london over the next couple of days, helping my sis pack up her life into boxes ready for her big move next weekend. URHHH im so not vibeing this. what happened to the easter egg hunts and chasing bunnies?!?! no?? ok fine, popping bubble wrap it is then :-p

Have a Fantastic Easter weekend Everyone

and i hope the Easter Bunny brings you some eggs!!!

xxx