Bunny Watch

Yes i know its late (in uk time anyway) but...

Happy Easssssster Blog-Bunnies!

Ahh, theres nothing like a bit of holiday cheer eh?! Hahaha, im annoying i know... i cant help it, i just love the holidays!

Altho saying that, my holidays are very almost over.... but im not complaining, cos even tho i start back at work on tues with two days of training (boooo, training days are SO pointless) I then only ONE day of teaching before its holidays again!!! (well, not quite) Its the royal wedding over here in the UK. I dunno how "into it" other countries get... i think its been talked about in the US, but over here... its like bieber fever on CRACK! there is royal displays in shop windows, posters, news updates and memorabilia galore... seriously, if you felt like having toilet paper with kate and wills faces on it, i reckon you could find some!!!

Meh... close enough!!

For the record... im not that fussed. I mean, its great that theyre getting married and all, but its not like we've never had a royal wedding before!!! I get it, the fact that they are young and pretty and its a big old celeb shindig makes it more of a magazine worthy event than other royal weddings, but give them a break! It even makes me anxious thinking about how crazy its gonna be in london come friday, i feel sorry for kate... she must be bricking it!!!

So onto news abit closer to home! Today i met the boy for some sunshine and parktime :-) Thankyou so much for your messages by the way, you guys are the best. Anyways, it was nice... id been kindof building stuff up in my head beforehand, which inevitably meant i was all nervy and butterflies in the stomach beforehand. which is GOOD, cos to be honest... sometimes i wonder if my libido has just upped and left, if you know what i mean!!! I know this is a common side-effect of anorexia, what with the whole survival thing. Our bodies arent exactly prioritising sexytime, much more important to make sure we are warm and conserving energy! Im not dead... I still see a hot guy and go "helllllloooooo hot stuff!" (not out LOUD tho, well... not always out loud!!!) but i uhhmed and ahhed alot about whether i actually "fancied" this guy, cos so often i was just preferring to hang out and cuddle than think about getting intimate. I just feel kindof awkward, like im paranoid about how thin i am and stuff and what he'll think.... Silly really, cos i know he likes me for me.

Showing off his "ball-skillz".... hehe

Anyway, I felt alot better today, cos now we've had the chat. hahah. I mean, he's had knowledge about EDs cos of his sis. so he kindof understands that whole side of it and so i dont feel any pressure. But (and dont take this the wrong way!! but i do know guys, i know what relationships are like without ED's mucking things about. And i feel guilty cos im still very pre-occupied with it. But just lying in the park, having a cuddle and playing with the pooch, ahh it was so nice! But then it got abit later and i started to get anxious... snacktime was coming and i didnt WANT to just get any old snack and stay hanging out. NO i want to go home and have "my" snack, and my chillout time and all that silly ED related isolation stuff. So i made my excuses and chipped. Which i feel bad for, but i just felt like i had to go... i couldnt quite relax fully and if id stayed i probs wouldnt have been much company! He was fine with it, but i think he was a bit dissapointed.... We made plans to meet up next week sometime, so its ok. I think he's just scared that when he DOES see me he has to squeeze every bit out of it, unless we dont see each other for months or something!!! But i know thats my fault... im such a flake. I WILL try harder tho, im gonna make an effort to see him every week rather than lame out and stay at home cos im "tired" or have "work" to do. He's worth more than that.

I just find it difficult to get over my awkwardness sometimes. When im not "with" him, i feel alot more confident, talking... emailing... but when we're face to face, i get nervy!!! its like im 13 again and this is my first boyfriend or something! i dunno.... I guess it will take a while for me to feel like the old me again. Ive been so out of it in terms of socialising properly, so i can see why its different. But i just wish i wasnt so weird about it!!!

Any of you had this dilemma?

did you find getting back to the "old social you" different/difficult??

How was your easter weekend? Did the Easter Bunny bring you any treats?!?! I got a nice lazy breakfast with the mumatron and the sunday papers... Thats treat enough for me!!

Whats your favourite treat...Food or Otherwise? i think today has treated me pretty well. Now im off to watch some weekend tv and enjoy the fact that tomo its STILL the holidays!! yipyip!

xx