blehday

Herroooo. (said in a wimpy, weak and withered voice)

cos.... im not a well pickle today :-(

Baaahaaha

Its been a hectic week fo sho. back to work. back to 6am wakeup calls. back to reality!

but by friday, clearly my lack of rest over the xmas period took its toll and i felt really shoddy. upset stomach and serious sicky feeling all day.... not nice. i struggled through the day but by the time i got home in the evening, i was zonked. i passed out in my bed and didnt move till this morning.

thanks body, y'know... i kindof wanted this weekend!!

oh well, i guess this is a challenge in itself as i am having to cope with the frustration of feeling fine, but physically being far from it.... my ED is getting angry cos i am literally bed-bound. i tried to do my abs-strength stretches and couldnt, i tried to get out of bed with the intention of maybe having a little fresh-air walk later but couldnt. it seems like however "ok" i think i am, my body begs to differ... even when i went downstairs to get some cereal, i came over all dizzy and nearly fell over :-(

Back to bed for me then....

I hate feeling physically unable, it just takes me straight back to that horrible time when i was suffering with M.E and couldnt get out of bed without help... it totally shattered my confidence and made me lose all my trust in my body... but i have come along way since then, i need to have faith and believe that if i let my body rest and give it time, it will take care of itself and i will be ok.... putting additional stress on myself now is a bad and very silly idea.... so that means NO walking, NO stretching and NO letting ED thoughts take charge.

Easier said that done?! perhaps. but since i feel like the human equivalent of a wet dishcloth right now, i dont have much choice in the matter....

Hopefully the boy is gonna come and visit me tomo, perk me up abit :-)

yes... we made up :-p

altho to be honest, im still abit nonplussed about it all. its like part of me doesnt REALLY want to be getting away with behaving badly, but he is so forgiving and apologises for MY bad behaviour, that its too easy..... I dunno. Still, at least he's patient with my head-scrambles! i know im not fully "present" in our relationship at the mo, but id like to think im not actually a mean, grumpy beehatch, so i appreciate him seeing past the silly me, who gets grouchy and stroppy because im hiding from my feelings. yeah, i should count myself lucky.

Anyways, just thought id pop in and say "boooo, im sick... give me sympathy!!!" ill sign out now and go back to my bed-wallowing :-p

Hope you're having a good weekend and not suffering from the effects of winter, like moi!

Laters all you non-sickly people, oh how i envy thee....!

xx