is this it for summer then?
cos MAN is it chillsome this morning!
beautiful, but COLD!
hey... if its not rainin', im not complainin'
I just woke up and i am freeeeezing! Its times like these when i despise my "lack of natural protective bodyfat". Grr.
I thought id try and have another lie-in like today (yesterday i stayed in bed till 10am, which is late for me! espesh considering on weekdays id have been at school for over 2hours by then!) but teas not to be... somehow my body always adjusts after my big sleepy saturdays and by sunday and i dont need to sleep as much. (this means i know better than to plan anything to exciting on a sat, i tend to zzzz right through it!)
Anyway, ive just run downstairs and adjusted the heating to come on a smidge earlier, cos otherwise im gonna be blue by the time i get dresses/showered. Panic not, we're ALL good :-)
So this week has been a blur, i swear it feels like last weekend was just a minute ago.... I dont think i went into much detail about the weekend, but i went blackberry picking with the boy and then we went and did our usual sunday afternoon slump in costa coffee, reading the papers and stealing space on the leather slouch-couch.... ahh, its goodtimes! BUT this weekend the boy is working and mum is not (for a change!) so im doing the mother/daughter thing instead of the boy/girl one :-p
Im happy with that, cos my mum is the best!
Yesterday after my monster lie-in, i walked to mums shop and helped her out for the morning... walked around town, mooch mooch mooch. (probs too much walking come to think of it, but weekends are my bugbear) then we went to this massive new sainsburys, apparently they had loads of good offers on, so despite better judgement we went to have a look. OHMYGOD, it was intense.... we went in, got abit freaked out. and LEFT!!! unspoken decision.... we turned around and went back to our local waitrose, what can i say... its waaaaaay nicer :-)
Today i intend to sit down and have a real go through my MP for the week. i tend to just go with the flow, but lately since ive been feeling very frustrated in my half-arsed recovery attempts, ive wanted to get the ball rolling.... last weeks operation "no-morning-walk" has gone well, altho mum wasnt here on thurs/fri so i did have to walk both ways then.... which i think has already got me wanting to walk more this weekend. GAAH!! any opportunity eh, DAMN that pesky ED-head....
But today i want to look seriously at my intake (cos im sure i probs overestimate things) and tally up what im having and add a good 500cals to it. i really want to get up to 2000cals, im scared im mucking around with my body so much... i dont want to cause permanant damage :-s i looked up my maintenance online (as a rough idea) and its about 1700, so i figure if i can get up to that and then 2000 and then 2500... its just a case of being ok eating more and moving less....
Here is a rough MP for a weekday (weekends are still abit hit and miss) If you can, help this girl out and give me an idea of what you think im taking in and what i should aim to go for id be very grateful....! Any advice is welcome!!!
B: half glass OJ, 30-40g cereal with soy milk, tspn mixed seeds, tspn chia, 3 small plums & strawberries
L: chicken noodle salad (it says 165cals but im dubious! its quite a big portion of noodles in my eyes! but then again... my eyes are distorted, so....) melon pot (says 39cals) sometimes i have crisps instead, depends how im feeling.
S: 2 rice cakes with spread, topped with cherry tomatoes and basil, chopped cucumber on the side
D: usually 150cals worth of protein (quorn/fish etc) with salad and veg and a piece of bread/pitta
S: BIG bowl of mixed fruit (melon, pear, peach etc) i love my fruit :-)
S: glass of soy milk with either a muffin or some biscuits
So what do you think? i know i need to get more in, especially at lunch. I SO want to change, but yet ironically - change is the thing im most scared of... its a vicious circle!
This afternoon i think im gonna go blackberry picking again while mum is working (i'll be solo this time... boooo!) then the tentative plan is to go into town and try to challenge myself to having afternoon tea in a coffee shop. and that means one thing....
PIECE OF CAKE Y'ALL!!!!
Baah, im scared pantless but im trying not to think about it too much. hopefully then it'll just happen and be ok. HAH!
So week two of "no-walk-mornings" continues next week. but now i have to address the idea of staying less active while trying to increase my eats. Oooh its a toughie!!! but im open to the challenge. anxiety, paranoia and irrational foodie fear.....?!
COME ON!!!!!
after all, its good to have a plan :-)
Happy sunday everyone!
xxx
Oh sweetie, I know we haven't spoken in a while but I still think of you. It makes me so sad to see how you're still trying to cope with all of this and I know you want to try so hard but your ED is still winning...
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest and say that your meal plan is just not enough. I eat a LOT more than that and I am maintaining now..plus I am shorter than you! And I know the noodle salad you mean and it's like half a normal size portion of noodles! If you want me to help you than feel free to text or email me. But I know it's not going to be easy for you..but this is why you're still trapped in this illness. It's the hardest thing you'll ever ever do in your life. And it means putting yourself into a situation where you aren't comfortable. It IS worth though I promise you hun...
Thinking of you xx
I am glad you had a good weekend with your mom :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I think the meal plan can be a great idea. I think you are right though, there needs to be more. I know it is hard but, but maybe adding some nut butters in for some easy calories without a lot of volume? Or adding a snack between breakfast and lunch, I am sure you are working hard with those kids! Of course, it is different for everyone, and what you are comfortable eating, but just some ideas...
Have a great monday!
Scott
Ditto to everything Nicky said. Dude, I would fall over on what you're eating now. I mean, I've eaten like that before - it looks a bit like the meal plan I had a few years ago when I wasn't getting worse but wasn't anywhere near getting better either. Recovery demands properly balanced meals three times a day and at least 2-3 snacks on top. While I was gaining weight I would have eaten about as much as you have in one day by the time I'd finished lunch :P
ReplyDeleteYour goals sound good - getting up to 2500 needs to be a priority if you want to get better. Have you got a plan as to how you could manage it? Avoiding relapse often requires a practical plan (i.e. how you're going to spread the calories out, how often you plan to increase, etc) and a psychological plan (how you're going to deal with the inevitable distress and anxiety).
Good luck, you know where I am if you want to email me xxx