Well, its a bluesday tuesday today im afraid....
WAIT, dont go! i know that was a bummer of a start, but that doesnt mean we cant pretend does it?!? Sometimes a little creative visualisation is all it takes to turn a frown upside down!
But despite trying to live my life in an upbeat manner! I still cant predict the future...YET! (i am working on it, alongside my hoverboard/timetravel machine :-p)
Sometimes you've gotta take the rough with the smooth... good news is so often followed by something bad... Thats life im afraid, its a fickle thing... we're all players in this big old crazy game called La Vida.
Sadly, ive had me a dose of the good/bad's, the G-bads, the gebaddles... whichever form you may prefer. Ive had to encounter the rollercoaster of emotions that saw me both smiling and crying in the space of a few small hours :-(
See, it all kicked off on Monday. It was a good day! First day back at school after the break, happy to be back, happy to see my kids... All good. Then I went to see my nutritionist (love love love that lady) and we had a chat about my aims and what i want to achieve from recovery... aaaaand i had my weigh in! yip yip. still going good....
I was excited cos i hadnt had an appt with my T for 3weeks, since he had been off ill all last week... so no appt, means no weigh ins! And you can imagine, after 3weeks... i was curious to see what was happening with the old scales :-p (dont worry, im not a slave to the weighing, i just like seeing how things are going!) well, guess what...
im UP 2LBS!!!! yeeeeeah.
I know this isnt a MAJOR accomplishment, considering it has been 3weeks and im supposed to be aiming for a steady lb a week... but im supposed to be focussing more on praising my progress, no matter how big or small, to build up my confidence. I always put myself down and dont acknowledge my successes much. so ill take a PAT ON THE BACK to me, thankyou! a gain is a again and... i gained! Plus at this stage... the main thing is making the number go in the right direction, and i did that, oh yeah - its still going up!
Sadly, soon after this came a not so nice aftershock to my cheery day. When i got home after work, mum told me that my great aunt (who we visited on sat) had passed away that morning :-(
And then my day went DOWN....
Dont get me wrong, im very sad. But in a way, im also glad... she wasnt happy and she certainly wasnt "living" anymore. Since her husband died, she has been merely been existing... her body was strong, but her mind was tired, many of her friends and her husband were gone and she didnt have much interest in life anymore... That fun gleam that she had before, was fading.
Seeing her on saturday was even more of a shock, having not been able to visit for a while... i was saddened to see how much she had deteriorated. She wasnt even awake and was barely eating or drinking (i spotted a cupboard full of fortisips... those things clearly get everywhere!) But sadly, being as strong as she was was working against her in that her body was still clinging on, even tho she clearly had let go.... When we said goodbye, we told her that it was ok to let go now. that we loved her dearly, but that she had people up there, waiting....
I like to think that somewhere in her sleep, she heard that message and found her way to peace :-)
She was an amazing lady and i will always remember her as one of the people who inspired my love of Fashion and Art. I remember dressing up in her glamourous clothes and putting on fashion shows, much to her delight!
Those are the memories i will treasure :-)
time is precious, treat it as a treasure not to be wasted.
Anyway, im sorry if this has been a downer for anyone... but PLEASE dont let it be! Life is an amazing adventure and if anything, this passing has made me realise how much important it is to embrace the time we have and remind the people we love how special they are. Its the first of March today (i double checked this time..hehe) so lets Grab ahold of Life... and Live each day as if it were our last!
There is a very famous quote that i think sums it up perfectly!
"Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening
and LIVE like it's heaven on earth...."
William W. Purkey
enough procrastination!
Enjoy your tuesday people, it may not be friday... but who says we cant live life to the fullest
EVERY day!
Big Loves
:-)
Clemmy,
ReplyDeleteI want to give you the biggest hug! I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. That has to be so very hard for you, especially after having just recently seen her. Your mindset of knowing that she is in a better place is so healthy. My grandma died two years ago and I still miss her so much, but knowing what pain she was in before she passed has helped me immensely.
Keep fighting ed girlie! Don't discount the progress you made over the past 3 weeks! You did awesome, just keep at it girlie!! You CAN do this, I so know you can. You deserve freedom from ed : ).
Love you, hun!!
Sarah